Andrea, a woman in her 50’s with whom I worked, explained to me that her definition of perfectionism was that she’d beat herself up when she didn’t carry out her aims perfectly. This perfectionism started in childhood when her mother shamed her about her weight. How about you? Are you hard on yourself when you make mistakes? I hear variations of this story over and over again. Instead, how can we let go of taking things personally and choose progress not perfectionism instead?
Perfectionism Holding You Back?
Trying to be perfect, that’s the thing that trips many of us up. How can we use the idea of “progress not perfection” to move forward to create a happy life at a healthy weight? It’s so easy to beat ourselves up. In this post I’ll show you three ways to transform perfectionism into progress by letting go of judgment and comparison, using curiosity to allow you to see things differently. The problem of wanting to be perfect is an obstacle to a happy life at a healthy weight for so many of us.
How to Disrupt the Need to Be Perfect
How can you disrupt a habit of striving to be perfect? Let’s start with awareness of what you are doing now. Notice symptoms like “black or white” and “all or nothing” thinking when they crop up. Start by asking yourself, “How do I usually approach the choices I make?”
Do you make choices by judging yourself or by looking as your circumstances with curiosity? Let’s delve into how the tendency to use comparison and judge yourself can play out. For example, you may hear yourself saying, “I should drink at the party tonight because otherwise my friends will call me a party pooper.” Using the word “should” is a big clue and often comes from fear of disapproval that is linked to perfectionism. Perfectionism and people-pleasing often go hand in hand as you strive to meet the expectations of others.
There is a way you can dissolve a web of disappointment that you can unknowingly weave for yourself. What can you do instead of judging and comparing yourself and feeling belittled? Since we are all recovering judgers, nobody escapes completely. Grace and compassion can help lead you away from this frustration so you can come home to who you truly are. Instead of comparing and judging, you might ask, “How can I shift what I’m comparing myself to into a choice that’s right for me—for my values and my healthy mind and body?” My highest coaching recommendation is to look inside yourself and ask what is it that you really want and what really matters to you?
When we catch ourselves seeing things as all or nothing, we have a chance to transform these thoughts into a both/and choice using curiosity and by asking revealing questions. According to Diane Hamilton, researcher and author of the book Cracking the Curiosity Code, curiosity is at the heart of success according to her interviews with people who are successful.
How Curiosity Helps Cure Perfectionism
Curiosity can lead to inquiry and discovery. Here are three things that can loosen the hold that perfectionism can have on you:
Self-compassion: Embrace where you are. Empathy can help you forgive yourself, knowing you are human and will make mistakes. You can learn from mistakes! A good place to start is to notice when you compare yourself to what I “should” in a specific situation.
Choice: Know that you have a choice. You can choose a path that allows you to receive the good in life.
Good enough: You can let go of perfectionism by allowing that you are good enough just as you are.
How can you let go of all or nothing thinking and choose progress not perfection? Choosing curiosity, compassion, and self-acceptance can allow you to make progress instead of being paralyzed by fear of being a failure when you don’t carry out your aims flawlessly.
Reflection Questions
Take 5 minutes to answer two questions if you want to loosen the grip of perfectionism and make progress not perfection.
- What is a time when you used curiosity to stop judging yourself and asked, “How can I look at this differently?”
- What does your good enough weight loss look like and feel like, so you won’t beat yourself up over food or self-image?
Click here to read our most recent blog post on How to fuel your momentum with self-care instead of running on empty.
A Next Best Step
Begin your journey to the life you want to live at the weight you want to be by taking my interactive quiz: Top Inner Roadblocks to Weight Loss success. You’ll immediately receive valuable strategies that include where to start and next steps to weight loss success: https://www.sweetlifewellness.com/roadblock-quiz/
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.