This time of year, you may begin to wonder, “what have I forgotten?” as you finalize holiday plans, say yes to invitations, show up for family and friends. It’s easy to have your needs slip away without even realizing what’s happening. That sense that “something’s missing” can make for feeling a little lonely even amid joyful holiday festivities that put your needs for self-care at the bottom of the list.
This blog post delves into how to recognize and stop people-pleasing this holiday season. Yes, there’s a way to recognize when you’ve lost your way with approval seeking.
In Chapter 9 of my book, Happy Life at a Healthy Weight, I wrote about how you can stop approval seeking and dwelling on what other people think. The key to success at anything worthwhile is heartfelt commitment. As one client I’m working with said to me this week with conviction, “I’ve got goals, I know where I’m going.”
Change begins with awareness of unconscious commitments that can hold you back like fear of disappointing others that leads to people-pleasing. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to be guided by what you truly want when occupied with seeking the approval of others, which can add stress to your life.
Three Signs You’re People-Pleasing This Holiday Season
Check in with yourself about these three things to assess whether people-pleasing is part of how you’re coping this holiday season.
- Approval seeking: Do you ask yourself, “What would my wife, parents, boss, friends think about this idea I’m mulling over?”
- You play by someone else’s rules: How often do you hear yourself using the word “should?” Example: “I should have a couple of drinks tonight when we get together with friends. If I don’t, people will think I’m a party pooper.”
- You avoid attention or criticism: You do things that you don’t really want to do because you are afraid of being embarrassed and calling attention to yourself.
If you believe you’re not a people-pleaser, take a moment and reflect on how:
- Easy or hard it is to say no to requests
- You overcame social conditioning
- You assess and act on what you really want and what you truly feel
What To Do About People-Pleasing
Awareness:
- What about you? Here’s your opportunity to reflect for a few moments on how people-pleasing applies to you.
- How does people-pleasing affect my self-care and weight loss intentions? How does it hold me back?
Taking action:
Reportedly, business magnate and investor Warren Buffett said that there is one word that is the most likely to lead to your success. What is that one word? The magic word is: no. The ability to say no to those things that are trivial or less important to you gives you more ability to say yes to the things that are vitally important to you.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Curious where people-pleasing shows up for you? Take our free Top Inner Roadblocks to Weight Loss Success Quiz to uncover what may be shaping your holiday choices.
Want support navigating the rest of the holiday season? Revisit How People Pleasing Shows Up in Holiday Eating for strategies about how to bring awareness to your holiday eating choices.
Source: Loughrey K. Happy Life at a Healthy Weight: Creating a Shame Free, Healthy Relationship with Food and
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.