The holidays are full of food, family, and tradition. They’re also full of unspoken expectations. And for many people, those expectations shape how and what they eat.
You might not consider yourself to be a people-pleaser, but approval-seeking often shows up during the holidays, especially around food.
Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because you don’t want to disappoint anyone.
When Food Becomes About Keeping Everyone Happy
Chapter 9 of Happy Life at a Healthy Weight reminds us that people-pleasing comes from a fear of letting others down. During the holidays, that fear can sneak into eating decisions.
It can look like skipping meals because you’re busy hosting, cooking, or taking care of everyone else. It can look like eating foods you don’t actually want because saying no feels awkward. It can look like putting your own hunger, fullness, or preferences aside to avoid making things uncomfortable or drawing attention to yourself.
None of these choices is about willpower. They’re about wanting connection, harmony, and approval.
Why Holiday Eating Feels So Complicated
Holiday food is rarely just about food. It’s tied to love, tradition, and belonging. When these emotions are involved, listening to your body can feel secondary, or even selfish.
The people-pleaser in you might say:
- “Just go along with it.”
- “Don’t make it a thing.”
- “It’s easier to say yes.”
By the end of the day, those choices can leave you feeling overly full, disconnected from your body, or frustrated with yourself, without really knowing why.
Josie’s Story: Choosing Yourself Without Losing Connection
Josie’s story from the chapter shows how food and approval can be connected. She loved spending time with her cousin, but their visits often included several beers. Drinking felt like part of the connection. Saying no felt risky. What if he was disappointed?
Instead of forcing herself to cut the time short or avoiding the situation altogether, Josie made a choice that honored what she really wanted. She told him, “I’m not drinking tonight.” And the moment passed just fine. They still laughed. They still connected.
What changed wasn’t the relationship. What changed was Josie choosing herself.
Bringing Awareness to Your Holiday Eating Choices
This season isn’t about eating perfectly or following rules. It’s about noticing what’s driving your choices.
Before you eat, skip a meal, or push past fullness, try asking yourself: Am I choosing this because I want it, or because I don’t want to disappoint someone?
You don’t need to explain yourself. You don’t need permission. You just need awareness.
When you start noticing where people-pleasing shows up, you create space to reconnect with yourself without guilt, drama, or extremes. That awareness is the first step toward a calmer, more supportive relationship with food during the holidays.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Curious where people-pleasing shows up for you? Take our free Top Inner Roadblocks to Weight Loss Success Quiz to uncover what may be shaping your holiday choices.
Want support navigating the rest of the holiday season? Revisit How to Enjoy the Holidays Without Falling Back Into Old Habits for strategies to stay grounded after big meals and gatherings.
Source:
Loughrey K. Happy Life at a Healthy Weight: Creating a Shame Free, Healthy Relationship with Food and
Life. Authentic Wellness Publishing Company, LLC; 2024.
Zhana Ivanova
University of Maryland – Nutrition and Food Sciences
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.