The holidays are often described as a season of giving. Giving time, giving energy, giving help. For many people, that turns into saying yes to everything. Yes to hosting, yes to extra errands, yes to helping everyone else first.
By the end of the season, many people feel worn out, off track with their health, and quietly resentful.
Saying Yes Comes at a Cost
In Chapter 9 of Happy Life at a Healthy Weight, people-pleasing is described as a pattern driven by fear of disappointing others. During the holidays, that fear often leads to overcommitting.
You may notice it in different ways. Skipping meals because you are busy taking care of everyone else. Putting off movement because there’s no time left in the day. Telling yourself that you’ll focus on your health later, after the holidays are over.
The problem is that “later” rarely comes.
Dr. Robert Kushner describes the people-pleaser as one of the coping patterns that can quietly interfere with weight loss and self-care. People with this pattern tend to put others first so much that their own needs fall to the bottom of the list. This leads to exhaustion, and when you’re exhausted, it becomes much harder to make supportive choices around food, movement, and rest.
Why People-Pleasers Struggle With Consistency
People-pleasers are often caring, responsible, and deeply committed to the people in their lives. Those are strengths. But during the holidays, those same strengths can make consistency difficult.
When your schedule revolves around everyone else’s, your routines are the first thing to disappear. Meals become rushed or skipped. Movement becomes optional. Self-care feels indulgent instead of necessary.
This is not a motivation problem. It’s a boundary problem.
Saying yes too often leaves very little room for the habits that support your health. Without boundaries, even the best intentions struggle to stick.
What Boundaries Really Do
Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re about protecting what matters.
Setting a boundary might look like:
- Scheduling a lunch break and actually taking it
- Saying no to one extra commitment so you can rest
- Making time to go on a walk, even during a busy week
When you create space for yourself, your habits become easier to maintain. You’re no longer trying to take care of your health while running on empty.
As Chapter 9 reminds us, self-care is not selfish. It is an investment. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up for the people you love without burning out in the process.
Choosing Yourself This Season
If you notice that saying yes has left you tired, overwhelmed, or disconnected from your body, take it as a sign, not a failure.
This holiday season, consider asking yourself one question before committing: Does this support what I truly need right now?
Even one intentional “no” can create space for a meaningful “yes” to your health, your energy, and your well-being.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Want to know why you keep overcommitting? Take our free Top Inner Roadblocks to Weight Loss Success Quiz to find out what may be standing in the way of your self-care.
Is people-pleasing influencing your choices this holiday season? Read Three Signs You’re People-Pleasing This Holiday Season to recognize the signs and respond with intention.
Source:
Loughrey K. Happy Life at a Healthy Weight: Creating a Shame Free, Healthy Relationship with Food and
Life. Authentic Wellness Publishing Company, LLC; 2024.
Zhana Ivanova
University of Maryland – Nutrition and Food Sciences
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.