Sometimes we get so used to doing things a certain way that we forget to ask ourselves why. Maybe it’s something like “I can’t rest until everything’s done” or “I have to clean my plate.” These rules often start as good intentions, but over time, they can start to control us.
Most of us have unspoken “default rules” that control the way we eat, move, and even think about our bodies. We don’t question them because they’ve always been there. Maybe someone once praised you for losing weight or made you feel guilty about wasting food. Those messages stick long after the moment has passed. You might not even realize they’re influencing your choices until you catch yourself feeling guilty for eating dessert or skipping a workout. But once you start to notice them, you have the power to rewrite them.
Rewriting the Rules
Author Meghan Lucas, in her book Dear Strong Woman, You Make the Rules, talked about how freeing it can be to question those unspoken rules and write your own. One of her clients shared a rule she’d been living by for years: “A thin body is a healthy body. The smaller you are, the more idolized you will be.”
It’s a rule that many people follow—and it’s exhausting. Chasing it can lead to endless restriction, shame, and the feeling that you’re not enough. What if health wasn’t about shrinking your body, but about expanding your life? What if it came from feeling strong, confident, and free instead of constantly trying to meet someone else’s expectations?
Rewriting your rules starts with awareness. Try asking yourself:
- What rules around food, health, or body image have I been following?
- Where did those rules come from?
- Do these rules bring me peace or pressure?
Once you start noticing the patterns behind your choices, you can begin to choose differently. Maybe your new rule becomes “My worth doesn’t depend on my weight” or “I can care for my body without punishing it.”
Choosing Your Future
Letting go of old rules can be uncomfortable at first. You’ve been following them for a long time. But as Meghan Lucas reminded us, discomfort is often a sign of growth. It means you’re stepping into new territory and finally coming home to who you really are.
You don’t have to replace one set of restrictions with another. The goal is to live in a way that aligns with your values, not controlled by fear or old expectations. When you make your own rules, you’re not just rewriting your relationship with food—you’re choosing your future.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Ready to start writing your own rules? Take our free Top Inner Roadblocks to Weight Loss Success Quiz to uncover the beliefs that have been quietly holding you back.
Want to see what’s possible when you let go of the past? Revisit How Max Turned Regret into Triumph, Weight Loss, and Better Health to see what real change looks like in action.
Source:
Loughrey K. Happy Life at a Healthy Weight: Creating a Shame Free, Healthy Relationship with Food and
Life. Authentic Wellness Publishing Company, LLC; 2024.
Zhana Ivanova
University of Maryland – Nutrition and Food Sciences
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.