Breaking the Patterns That Keep You Stuck

Why Understanding Your Behavior Matters More Than Willpower

Halloween candy can be surprisingly revealing.

Every October, bags of miniature chocolates and other treats appear in homes and offices. Some are intended for trick-or-treaters. Others are simply there for anyone passing by.

For many people, enjoying a few pieces is just part of the season.

For others, however, reaching for candy becomes an almost automatic response to something else.

Stress. Fatigue. Disappointment. Or the desire for a reward after a demanding day.

The candy may not be the real problem.

The more important question is what the candy is doing for you.

The Reward Behind the Habit

I once worked with Phil, a software engineering team leader whose responsibilities frequently extended beyond his own work.

When team members fell short, he often stepped in to finish what needed to be done.

Afterward, he sometimes felt disappointed and emotionally depleted. Reaching for a bag of M&Ms became a familiar reward.

It provided a moment of satisfaction after an experience that had left him feeling empty.

But the pattern also contributed to weight gain and concerns about his blood pressure and future health.

Phil didn’t need a lecture about candy.

He needed to understand what prompted him to reach for it.

Recognizing the Pattern

As we worked together, Phil began to recognize the connection between his work experiences, his feelings, and his response.

The candy wasn’t simply about hunger. It was serving as a reward and a way to cope with disappointment.

Once he understood that connection, he could explore another way to meet the same need. Instead of automatically reaching for candy, Phil began looking at photographs of his young daughter.

Those photographs reminded him of something much more meaningful: his desire to remain healthy and be there for his daughter as she grew into adulthood.

He began replacing an automatic response with a choice connected to what mattered most to him.

From Knowing to Doing

Phil’s experience illustrates an important principle of sustainable behavior change.

Most people already know that excessive candy, inadequate sleep, or repeatedly postponing exercise may undermine their health. But knowledge alone doesn’t explain why we continue doing things that work against our intentions.

Our behaviors often serve as immediate relief, even when their longer-term consequences aren’t helpful.

A snack may provide comfort. Staying up late may create a sense of control over personal time. Skipping a walk may provide temporary relief from an overwhelming schedule.

Understanding what a behavior provides opens the door to finding a different response.

Three Questions to Consider

Think about a habit you’ve tried to change without lasting success.

Rather than criticizing yourself for not being disciplined enough, ask:

1. What happens just before I do this?

Look for the circumstances, feelings, or situations that trigger the behavior.

2. What am I getting from it?

Is it relief, comfort, a reward, convenience, or a temporary escape?

3. What else could meet that need?

Consider a practical, helpful alternative that fits your circumstances and connects with something meaningful to you.

The goal isn’t to eliminate every unhelpful behavior overnight.

It’s to recognize the pattern, interrupt it, and begin building a response that better supports your health and the life you want.

Because lasting change begins when we understand not only what we’re doing, but why.

Be Well. Lead Well. Live Well.

For more about why healthy routines disappear under pressure and what consistency may look like to make better decisions and healthy choices this fall, read my previous article, When Consistency Gets Crowded Out.

Continue the Conversation

If you’re a senior leader or business owner whose health and well-being have gradually taken a back seat to the demands of work and life, you don’t necessarily need another complicated wellness plan.

Sustainable leadership means protecting your health and quality of life while continuing to meet the demands of leadership.

I’m currently accepting a limited number of private clients who want to:

• Restore sustainable energy and resilience.
• Build health practices that hold up during demanding weeks—not just the easy ones.
• Reduce stress without adding more to an already full schedule.
• Protect their health while continuing to lead at a high level.
• Have the stamina to enjoy the life they’ve worked so hard to build.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to schedule a confidential consultation.

With appreciation,