As the New Year approaches, the holidays may be still full of invitations, traditions, and expectations. Dinners. Parties. Family plans. Extra favors. Saying yes can feel like part of the season.
If you’ve ever said yes when you really wanted to say no, you know how quickly guilt can creep in. Guilt for not eating what was offered. Guilt for skipping an event. Guilt for choosing rest instead of another obligation.
For many people, the hardest part isn’t knowing what they need. It’s letting themselves honor it.
Why Saying No Feels Uncomfortable
Chapter 9 of Happy Life at a Healthy Weight explains that people-pleasing often comes from a fear of disappointing others. During the holidays, that fear tends to sneak into most of the decisions we make.
You might think:
- I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
- I don’t want to seem ungrateful.
- I don’t want to make things awkward.
So instead, you go along with plans that leave you drained. You eat foods you don’t really want. You overcommit your time and energy. And later, you may feel frustrated with yourself for not speaking up.
This doesn’t mean you’re weak or doing something wrong. It means you care. But caring about others doesn’t have to mean abandoning yourself.
Why You Can Say No
Saying no isn’t about rejecting people. It’s about protecting your energy, your health, and your well-being.
In the chapter, Josie worried about disappointing her cousin if she didn’t drink when they spent time together. What she discovered was that setting a boundary didn’t ruin the connection. She honored what she truly wanted, and the relationship stayed intact.
The same is true during the holidays. When you say no to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re often saying yes to something that does.
How to Say No
One of the biggest traps of people-pleasing is feeling like you owe a long explanation. You don’t. Here are a few simple, respectful ways to say no:
- “That doesn’t work for me this time.”
- “I’m going to pass, but thank you for thinking of me.”
- “I’m focusing on taking care of myself right now.”
You don’t need to justify your choice. You don’t need to convince anyone. A clear, kind no is enough.
If food is involved, the same idea applies:
- “I’m good, thank you.”
- “That looks great, but I’ll pass.”
- “I’m listening to what my body needs.”
Letting Go of Guilt
Guilt doesn’t disappear overnight, especially if you’ve spent years putting others first. But feeling guilty doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It just means you made a new one. Each time you practice saying no, you reinforce that message to yourself.
As Chapter 9 reminds us, connecting with what you truly want is the foundation for change. The holidays are a powerful time to practice that connection.
A Different Way to Navigate the Holidays
This season, try approaching boundaries with curiosity instead of judgment. Notice where you feel pressure to say yes, pause, check in with yourself, then respond in a way that honors both you and the moment.
Saying no doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you honest. And honesty is one of the best gifts you can give yourself this holiday season.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Not sure why it’s so hard to say no? Take our free Top Inner Roadblocks to Weight Loss Success Quiz to find out what’s really getting in the way.
Want to move through the rest of the season with less guilt? Revisit The Hidden Cost of Saying “Yes” During the Holidays for more support.
Source:
Loughrey K. Happy Life at a Healthy Weight: Creating a Shame Free, Healthy Relationship with Food and
Life. Authentic Wellness Publishing Company, LLC; 2024.
Zhana Ivanova
University of Maryland – Nutrition and Food Sciences
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.